does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
