i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
