just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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