May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
