there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
