That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
