Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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