So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
