You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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