I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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