My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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