I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
