I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
