I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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