Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
