She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
