Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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