I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
