apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
