All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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