Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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