just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
