I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
