I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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