if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
