Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
