and you said cock pushups were impossible
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
did i walk over a car last night?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
