Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
