sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
