uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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