Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
