It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
