I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
