Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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