she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize