I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
