somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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