You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
