there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
