Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
