She said her name was "party"
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
