so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize