I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
