Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
