The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
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I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
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DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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