I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
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Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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