it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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