Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
