she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
