It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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