yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
