My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
