I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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