im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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