Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
