Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
