You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
